just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
These tits shall not be calmed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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