she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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