He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
