Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
