jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
