I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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