I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
