You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
