did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
