so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
