he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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