i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
