you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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