I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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