A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you never un-have a 4some
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
