porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
