my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
