wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
