you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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