My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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