drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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