So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
