Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
