That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
