Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
