I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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