my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
