I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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