Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
