i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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