I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
