Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are my feet made of real feet?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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