Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
