forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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