im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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