My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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