Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Still dying that you shit outside
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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