So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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