woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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