If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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