i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
