JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
