Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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