We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
