I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
