found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
