what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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