My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
