well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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