$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Help. Why am I so naked?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
