For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
