I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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