smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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