I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
