the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
