Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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