wrigley field is MILF paradise
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
