Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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